Memoir of the Loser - Day 0

 Memoir of the Loser - Day 0

Today, it's been two years since the last day of high school. Honestly, life hadn't gone the way I had expected it to go to. Not that I had high expectations in the first place. But I have only lost and gained nothing over time that made the person I am today. A Loser. Honestly, I didn't want to do something crazy.

But I didn't want to go college at any cost after school. I hated school with all my well being and I had decided that as soon as I would get out the school, I would do what I wanted to do.

I... I wanted to become a musician. But soon I was forced to realize that it was just a hopeless dream. There was no way I could become a musician. Why, you may ask. It might sound pathetic and honestly, it is. But i couldn't pursue my dream of becoming a musician because I had nothing to make music with.

Yep, that's right. The only things I had was my Laptop. Honestly, calling it a laptop is an exaggeration. the only thing I can do on this junk is open webpages. I can't even watch a youtube video on this thing. It just reminds me of how sad it is. And the moment I open more than few tabs in a browser, it crashes. And yet I using it to write this. Now you might say that I could have just bought a decent laptop. Well, I don't belong to a financially stable family. That's an understatement to be honest. I have just accepted it now. It's my reality. It's not like it will change if I deny it. 

However, lack of equipment was not the only problem. Let's just say I gave up before I even tried. Because what was the guarantee that I would actually achieve something if I pursued my passion? I knew myself and the fact that I am not super lucky. In fact, my luck is worse than average person's. What were the chances of me becoming a successful musician even if I Had proper equipment.It was almost none. But why am I even writing this? What does it even mean?

Actually, even after I realized that I couldn't become a musician, I still didn't want to go to college. Not that I could afford it in the first place. So, I decided to do something to do something else entirely. I decided to become a writer. Yes, you heard, I mean read it right. It required zero investment except a paper and pencil. 

But what actually did I write? I wrote a novel that I finished just few months ago. But since I wrote it on paper, I now have to type everything on my laptop again. Pain. Yes, I regret it. I have only wrote less than half of my novel currently. It will take few months at least to finish it.

But that's not the problem. What actually will I do after finishing typing the whole thing? Who knows if I will even get a publisher for my book. What if no one likes it? No, forget about that, what if even after getting the publisher, it doesn't sell?

I have a lot to worry but I have decided to leave it up to my future self. But since, I still have few months left until I complete my book, I decided to keep a record of everything that will happen everyday.

I used to keep a daily dairy but it has been too long since I stopped keeping one. So, I thought, why not make a blog to track my daily progress and events that will happen in my life. It was a perfect idea. Two birds, one stone. Hmph.

Yeah... I will write down everything that will happen in my life here from tomorrow. I can share things that I can't talk about to any one else without worrying about anything. I don't know if some one will actually read it or if I will be alive until tomorrow but I hope that I will be able to actually write down everyday. Lets just say, I am quite lazy and forgetful.

In the end, I just hope someone will eventually stumble upon this rant of mine and know what will happen to me. I will spread if across the internet on every platform. *EVIL LAUGH. I don't know if I will make it or if I will fail but whatever happens to me, I will have someone I can share it with, YOU. If someone is actually reading this, which I really hope, maybe few weeks, few months or even few years now, I hope someone finds this blog and get to know about me and my life. I really don't know but I can only hope. That's ironic... I am using the word hope too much. That doesn't fit a loser like me.

Yeah... how could I forget... whatever happens, I will forever be a loser.

Anyways, I hope I will actually be able to start tomorrow and 'you' will stay with me. See ya!