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Memoir of the Loser - Day 1081

Memoir of the Loser- Day 1081  Yo. Another day passed. It was a long day because weather was quite bad today. It was sunny and hot. It did get better in evening because clouds appeared. But another thing appears at night... Mosquitoes. Summer hasn't even begun yet. I studied today as well. Quite a lot actually. My sister went to the city to go to the temple. I had asked her to buy the contact lens solution because I found out only last night that you are supposed to change it every time you wear lens. She was tired and didn't have any energy to go look for it. She did but a bag and slippers of herself tho...  Anyway, she will go on a trip tomorrow with my aunt. I pray it goes well. Today, my uncle's family wasted my and her time. We had to run several errands for them. The audacity to even ask us to do anything for them when they don't anything for us and when they don't even show gratefulness. Its amazing how people can be so shamless. And then when you stand up fo...
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Memoir of the Loser - Day 406

 Memoir of the Loser - Day 406

Hey, so, I was wondering something. Does it actually get better? Its so funny, I just googled it and nothing good came out. Well, I guess even Google fails to answer it or rather it can't say the truth. The more I think about it, the more I start asking myself about why I am still here. Up until now, I have believed that it will get better, it has to, right? Life is ups and downs so, I can't be at the bottom forever, right?   

But I guess I was wrong. Because every time nothing changes. I try to believe that it will get better but it never does. And now I wonder if there is any point in even thinking about it. Frankly speaking, I don't want to live. Damn, that's too sudden, isn't it? But that's what my life is like now. I try to keep it hidden but you can't do it forever, right?   

I will stop. Today, I went to the city with my sister. And it was hot. I realized that some people has way worse than me. People who has to work in such weather. Hats off to them. Even blood started coming out of my nose in evening because of driving in such heat. Tomorrow I will have to go again to get my aunt back. Because her husband doesn't know how to drive.  

 Ah, its so worthless. I don't know who I am talking with. No one is even going to read this. No one is going to see this. I am just talking with myself. Maybe I have indeed gone crazy... I can't. I am way too self aware for that. How do I lose my sanity? How do I try and make sense of everything without doing that? Maybe it could have better only if I had someone I could talk to. But I guess that's also my fate. To be forever alone, lol. See ya;)      

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