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Memoir of the Loser - Day 1281

Memoir of the Loser - Day 1281   Yo. Another day passed. It was not an usual day. I ate a looot of oily food today. I guess it's alright since I didn't eat anything during the day and I observed fast on past two days. I worked on my music like every day. My mom and sister went to the temple early in morning but I went later . Still, I had to wake up around one and half hour earlier than my usual time. Its quite cold in the morning. I understand why people have already started wearing jackets and hoodies. But during the day, it can get very warm. My sister had terrible headache through out the day. It could be because of multiple reasons. She woke up early, couldn't take a nap or maybe because she went to the city yesterday and had to navigate through extreme traffic. But I took a long and great nap during the day. I also took some iq tests at night. I have been very curious about my iq. Even though I don't trust them completely, they can give me a rough estimate. The we...
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Memoir of the Loser - Day 406

 Memoir of the Loser - Day 406

Hey, so, I was wondering something. Does it actually get better? Its so funny, I just googled it and nothing good came out. Well, I guess even Google fails to answer it or rather it can't say the truth. The more I think about it, the more I start asking myself about why I am still here. Up until now, I have believed that it will get better, it has to, right? Life is ups and downs so, I can't be at the bottom forever, right?   

But I guess I was wrong. Because every time nothing changes. I try to believe that it will get better but it never does. And now I wonder if there is any point in even thinking about it. Frankly speaking, I don't want to live. Damn, that's too sudden, isn't it? But that's what my life is like now. I try to keep it hidden but you can't do it forever, right?   

I will stop. Today, I went to the city with my sister. And it was hot. I realized that some people has way worse than me. People who has to work in such weather. Hats off to them. Even blood started coming out of my nose in evening because of driving in such heat. Tomorrow I will have to go again to get my aunt back. Because her husband doesn't know how to drive.  

 Ah, its so worthless. I don't know who I am talking with. No one is even going to read this. No one is going to see this. I am just talking with myself. Maybe I have indeed gone crazy... I can't. I am way too self aware for that. How do I lose my sanity? How do I try and make sense of everything without doing that? Maybe it could have better only if I had someone I could talk to. But I guess that's also my fate. To be forever alone, lol. See ya;)      

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