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Memoir of the Loser - Day 1281

Memoir of the Loser - Day 1281   Yo. Another day passed. It was not an usual day. I ate a looot of oily food today. I guess it's alright since I didn't eat anything during the day and I observed fast on past two days. I worked on my music like every day. My mom and sister went to the temple early in morning but I went later . Still, I had to wake up around one and half hour earlier than my usual time. Its quite cold in the morning. I understand why people have already started wearing jackets and hoodies. But during the day, it can get very warm. My sister had terrible headache through out the day. It could be because of multiple reasons. She woke up early, couldn't take a nap or maybe because she went to the city yesterday and had to navigate through extreme traffic. But I took a long and great nap during the day. I also took some iq tests at night. I have been very curious about my iq. Even though I don't trust them completely, they can give me a rough estimate. The we...
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Memoir of the Loser - Day 874

 Memoir of the Loser - Day 874

 Yo. Another day passed. Like you would expect, it was a terrible day. Nothing unusual compared to past few days. I hate it. Just to give a recap... Few months ago, I lost everything from my mobile because of someone else. And I didn't have a backup... Yes, even in this day and age. 

Today, it's been 16 years since dad died. Just when I thought that my life was going well... It all came crashing down. For me my phone wasn't just a tool... It was a small diary. I have been depressed because of that. I no longer enjoy the things I used to. That's called anhedonia and it hurts.

I can't sleep easily. If I do and wake up even once... It's impossible. I can't eat. I can't listen to music or watch a video... Not to mention, my head hurts. I feel the world spinning. I can't endure it anymore. I went to the doctor and had low bp and high fever... My family thinks I am sick... They don't know the truth.

It hurts. My heart feels like it's going to push out of my chest. I can't break the mental loop that I am caught in. If only I had done this or that. I found the solution to my problem the night I handed my phone to someone else... I don't know for how much longer I can do it. I wish I could back in time... See ya;(

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