Memoir of the Loser - Day 1146

 Yo. Another normal day passed. Everyday feels the same. I worked on my music in morning. After that I didn't do anything at all. I just slept during the day and in evening, I sang a little and then I used my phone. That's it. Last night as well, I had to sleep in my room but today, it was quite hot.

I won't be able to sleep in my room. During the day as well, I couldn't sleep because of my aunt snoring. I can't fall asleep with even a little noise. Evening wasn't great though. I had some unpleasant thoughts and I felt quite heavy. There is no reason behind this to be honest. It just happens sometimes . I discovered a stand-up comedian few days ago and I have already watched all of his videos.

You know, I feel quite pathetic and hopeless currently. I don't have much expectations from my life and future so, I wonder sometimes if I should give up. Ending it all is always an option but I also wonder if I should stop working on my passion and find a normal job and just survive.

My mom will be very happy and I don't think it would matter to her whether I am happy or sad as long as I am earning. My hair are very annoying. I have to wear a hairband to keep them in place and the moment I remove them, they go wild. None of my orders have arrived so far. I have ordered four things. Maybe one will arrive tomorrow and once again, my mom will be angry.

She is planning to go somewhere in couple weeks with my aunt and others. Its kind of a gathering at a place quite far from our home. My sister also went to the doctor. She is better than before and is recovering. But she doesn't seem to be happy about it... She has to lie to my uncle's family because if she doesn't, they will ask her to do work for them.

I am looking for some series or mangas to consume to pass time because otherwise it's quite hard. I also sang after many days today. There is an influencer who lives in my village. He has kind of my dream life. Like I don't know how he spends so much money. From what we know, it should not be possible but he spends a lot of money. Whatever, I guess that's it today. See ya;)